Well, this movie just sucked. I would like to compliment it on its cinematography or its direction or casting, but I can't. With J-Lo's million dollar ass, and Jon 'Liverspot' Voight overacting, and the completely un-realistic special effects of the snake make for a recipe of crap. Let's face it, how good can a movie be when the best thing you can say about it is Ice Cube's acting was ok.

A group of National Geographic film makers hire a boat to go down the Amazon in search of the Shamalama ding dong tribe, pick up a Portuguese hunter on a stranded boat, with a Columbian accent may I add, and he takes them hostage and tries to capture the world's most dangerous animal, the deadly Anaconda, which spans 500 feet, weighs 1000 lbs, and can leap tall alligator's in a blink of an eye, Super Anaconda with a big red cape with the letter A in the middle.

Like I said, Ice Cube (XXX : State of the Union) was pretty ok. He was quite humorous with his constant jokes of the ghetto being safer than the jungle. I don't see him being a former USC student with a film making background, but I can ignore that fact. I will also give an honorable mention to Owen Wilson (Wedding Crashers) and Jonathan Hyde (Titanic) who didn't do anything to hurt the film. It was one of Wilson's first movies and you get an early taste of his sarcasm and humor.

Now for the bad acting, I give you Jennifer Lopez (Monster-In-Law.) Her performance is no different than any other she has given (except for her role in Selena,) it is horrible. Is she a powerful woman who can save the day or is she a damsel in distress? She fluctuates from each one throughout the entire movie. Then there is 'Liverspots.' Where did Jon Voight (Tomb Raider) get his Portuguese accent, from a Columbian drug lord? Plus he was just over acting in every scene, although he did have a few humorous moments.

Who made the decision to make the snake faster than the speed of light, the director Louis Llosa or writers Hans Bauer, Jim Cash, Jack Epps Jr.? Because whoever did decide this needs to be shot. It makes for a totally unrealistic monster, worse than Jason, and therefore comical and not scary. I am guessing that it's the writers since they have come up with such classics as Komodo, Flintstones: Viva Rock Vegas, and the sequel to this horrid epic. The ending to this movie is the tell tale sign. After the entire crew is killed, there is only three left and two of them just had a life or death struggle with the snake, what do you do? You start filming your documentary because you happen to float by them. Dumb f*cks, all of them. If you see these writers run away as fast as you can.

Avoid this movie at all costs, it is not worth it, even when you see J-Lo and Kari Wuhrer in wet shirts it doesn't even save it. Just plain crappy.

Brian - the Naked Gun