This review is the result of a challenge from Brian of a movie for Benn to endure.

Um….what?

"Ballistic: Ecks Vs Sever" is this proposterous mess about two secret agents, assassins maybe-it's not really clear-who befriend each other to destroy a common enemy. Ecks, played by Antonio Banderas (The Mask of Zorro), is brought out of retirement, kind of, by the FBI to help hunt down a renegade agent named Sever, played by Lucy Liu (Kill Bill). Liu is trying to kill this dude, Robert Gant, who killed her kid, while Banderas finds out his wife, whom he believed to be dead, married the guy, his former boss…I think.

Honestly, the actual story of this picture was lost on me for two reasons; one, Antonio Banderas' accent was unusually thick, and it was hard to follow his scenes. Two, there were SO many ridiculous action sequences, I kept forgetting where we were in the story. My brain would shut off for the firey stupidity these filmmakers called action sequences.

Oh, how I hate thee. Let me count the ways…

1) For what the picture is, it's WAY TOO LONG.

2) The action sequences were LONG and severely overdone. They also included absolutely impossible beats which helps kill the credibility of its p**s-poor story.

3) Banderas is impossible to understand.

4) Sever singled out FBI agent Martin to assassinate specifically and we never know why? What did HIS character do to her?

5) The nemisis' main bad guy henchman a screeming British queen.

6) The sidekick of the ascot wearing henchman loves to state the bleedingly obvious, and it annoys the p**s out of me.

7) When the henchman and the company abush Sever at that mall, all I was asking is how they knew she'd be there? The filmmakers didn't want to spend time on setting up these sequences. He just wanted to get to the action sequences as soon as possible. Fool.

8) This s**t movie begins with its title. "Ballistic" must refer to the director's shooting style. "Ecks Vs Sever" is a horrible choice, since the two agents never fight each other but once. Even then, the fight is defensive and not aggressive. Sever was fighting to escape, and Ecks was fighting to get information. After that, the two were helping each other and on each others' side, so why label the movie Ecks VERSUS Sever? There not a single brain among this production team.

Overall, this movie smells like urine and leaves what I imagine is a similar bad taste in your mouth. If I won Powerball, I would buy every copy of this movie in existence and have a big bonfire on my front lawn. It would be like the days when people were burning certain books from their homes and library, fearful of being labelled a communist. Except THIS time, I would burn copies of "Ballistic: Ecks Vs Sever" for fear of being labelled a no-brain p**sy. By ridding the world of this movie, I would receive the Nobel Prize for cleansing the world of cinema. I HAVE to win Powerball. Come on, lucky 21!

Benn - Where's the Humanity?