Dir. Dennis Dugan
Writ. Allen Covert, Nick Swarsden
Act. Rob Schneider, David Spade, Jon Heder

Adam Sandler is two for two in 2006. Producing two movies that are absolute sh*t. I am guessing that the only reason why he is making these movies is just so that his friends from Saturday Night Live will have work. Benchwarmers could have been a decent movie because I thought the general idea was good, but every aspect of the delivery was terrible. I will say it again bodily functions AND Jon Heder are not funny, although they could be interchangeable.

A trio of losers Gus, Richie, and Clark, played by Rob Schneider (Deuce Bigalow), David Spade (Grandma's Boy,) and Jon Heder, (Napoleon Dynamite,) form a three man baseball team that takes on the local little league kids to prove that even three pathetic, nerdy, grown men can still beat up on children.

The only thing memorable about this movie is that it isn't funny. The writers Allen Covert and Nick Swarsdon (the geniuses who gave us Grandma's Boy) seem to think that childishness is the funniest thing ever. They wrote so many fart, nose picking, puking jokes that I was disgusted by the very first one, which means I actually lasted longer in Deuce Bigalo European Gigolo before I got disgusted. Congratulations, gentleman, new league record.

The smartest thing the casting director did was to give the majority of the stupid brainless jokes to the biggest no talent hack in Hollywood today, Jon Heder. He sucked ass in Napoleon Dynamite, annoying in Just Like Heaven, and the biggest piece of sh*t in Benchwarmers. I have seen sh*t coming out of babies diapers that are funnier than this guy. I dare anyone out there to show me a scene of any movie that he is in that is funny and/or original. This now talent ass clown makes me hate going to the movies.

I actually thought that Rob Schneider did an OK job. Much better than the Bigalow movies and something he might consider building on if he just stops accepting these sh*t roles by Adam Sandler. Schneider actually attempted to bring some kind of legitimacy to the movie. But he failed, but it is not his fault, Spielberg couldn't do anything with this script.

As I sum up I will say that I will not speak of David Spade's performance other than to say that it is a shame that Chris Farley passed away because it appears that he took David Spade's acting career with him, God rest his sole. I also want to know who were the Einstein's that cast the ESPN crew in the movie? I know that is the "in" thing to do right now, to cast former jocks in roles, but these guys are not actors for a reason.

The end of the movie speaks volumes of the actual movie. During credits, scenes that were cut out were shown and the last one was Rob Schneider looking at Jon Lovitz (yes, he is in it too, but who cares) and says, "Well, that was a waist of time." Yes it most certainly was as waist of time.

Brian - the Naked Gun