*This movie was forced upon me by Benn Farrell….that Bastard.*

I can say with a 90% probability of success that I hate any movie that is produced by MTV productions. I can say that there is only one movie I truly enjoy from them and that is "Office Space," the rest, crap. The 2002 movie "Crossroads" is no exception. As a matter of fact it was extra painful for me because it stars Britany Spears. This movie is so bad that it should cause the end of civilization as we know it or give everyone who sees it a terminal case of the runs.

This movie is about three girls, Lucy, played by Britany Spears, Kit, played by Zoe Saldana (Pirates of the Carribean,) and Mimi, played by Taryn Manning (8 mile,) who goes on a cross-country road trip from Georgia to California. They each have their individual problems; Lucy is valedictorian who has a very controlling father Pete, played by Dan "Where are the days of Ghostbusters" Aykroyd. Pete is controlling because his wife, Lucy's mother, walked out on them when Lucy was three. Kit is apparently a preppie girl who happens to have sex with lots of guys and apparently found Mr. Right who is studying at UCLA. Mimi is pregnant with a boy who she left but she wants to follow her dream of becoming a singer in LA. Wow, I certainly find all of these stories quite original, in a way that is completely not.

As this cancerous tumor of a movie plods through its story we discover that Lucy's mom left her because Lucy was a "mistake," Mimi was date raped at a party and that is how she got pregnant and Kit's fiancé in L.A. is cheating on her AND it turns out is the boy who date raped Mimi. Oh and Mimi loses the baby because she falls down stairs. Despite all of this they decide to go through with an audition to become singers, and they live happily ever after. Excuse me I have some toe jam I have to remove.

I can not believe that Dan Aykroyd did this movie. This man was an icon in the 70's and 80's. He and Chevy Chase have fallen in the movie world and they can't get up. I expect actors like Kim Cattrall, who is Kit's mom, to be in this movie, she is a no talent hack who gets out acted by porn stars on a daily basis. The other girls have done other movies so I think they just needed to get paid. This leaves us with Brittany, icon to 11 year olds everywhere. She made her debut in this movie and she has yet to be in another movie, which should say something. (I don't count Austin Powers: Goldmember, because she was herself for 20 seconds, that's not acting, that's being you.) I will give Brittany credit she attempts to act in this movie. Sure there is no script and the direction was about as un-original as vanilla ice cream, but she tried. I would love to see her stop the pain that is her musical career, use her money and take some serious acting classes. I think she could do quite well if she would dedicate herself to learning the trade. Alas, I fear we will be in for more "Oops, I did it again," until she gets older and her best assets head south.

Tamra Davis is the director and she shot this like a music video, and big surprise, she has directed music videos. I have never liked musical number in movies that aren't musicals or cartoons and this movie was basically a Britany Spears video for 94 minutes. She did nothing to try and make up for the script. She didn't get any emotions out of her actors that were believable, and at one point I thought I could see in Aykroyd's eye a desire to choke the person behind the camera. But this could be the realization for Dan that he was using lines that came from a beginning script writing class. Shonda Rhimes script was very painful and about on the same par as the movie. There was nothing original about the characters, their stories, their inner conflict, outer conflict and resolutions. I will say that for all of the character to go through the hell they went through for three days and still be happy at the end of the movie, is somewhat different, and completely unreal.

Overall I can say that this movie is horrible. The movie is so bad that the two scenes which Britany was almost nude didn't help it one bit. I would hope that the movies target audience would realize that not all of them are going to end up pregnant hookers whose mothers consider them a mistake. Hopefully they will use this movie as what not to do with their life. Now if you will excuse me, I have to go a kick a bull in the scrotum and then bend over in front of him. Good bye.

Brian - the Naked Gun