Dir. Rob Zombie
Writ. Rob Zombie
Act. Malcolm McDowell, Brad Douriff, Scout Taylor-Compton, Danielle Harris

I had been regretting this day from the time I heard of its creation. I have no idea why they would want to remake a classic like Halloween. Especially since they just did the seventh sequel not but two years ago. Even adding the decent rocker turned director Rob Zombie could not possibly help make the movie better than the original. The only thing it can be is different. Different isn't good enough when you are remaking a classic. This movie is different, a very bad different, and isn't scary. However, it is demented, not because of the story but because of an actress in the movie and what she does in the film. This movie sucks ass.

This version of Halloween has a similar base story to the original Halloween. Michael Myers is committed to a hospital and when he turns 21 he escapes from the hospital and heads to Haddonfield to look for his younger sister Laurie. However, there are many stark differences that create my utter disdain for the movie. The first thing that sucks is that this movie spends 45 minutes with the young Michael Myers showing how the monster is created. We have gone through the 1990's so thanks to Bill Clinton, we have to have a reason for the evil. So we have an abused child who takes a wrong turn and becomes homicidally insane because of it. So now the monster has a face. What is so frightening about that? In the original film, Michael Myers was an apparent normal kid who came from a Cosby type family and decided to hack up his sister for no reason and reinforced the creepiness by not saying a word again the rest of his life. That is not human and that is why he and the movie have a unnerving feeling from beginning to end. I think this is the main reason why this film has no business being remade or even have the same name as Halloween.

Another major problem I have is the amount of death that is in the new film compared the old one. In the original, there are maybe four deaths that we actually see. The sister is the first one, then Laurie's friends in the house. That's it. In this one, we get to see Michael kill a classmate, then is step-dad, then his step-sister, his nurse, three security guards, a janitor, a trucker, Laurie's adopted parents, one of Laurie's friend and her friends boyfriend, and Dr. Loomis (which I will speak of in a moment.) That's a 14 to 4 score. Body counts are never a good thing in horror movies, especially meaningless deaths, which would be the stepparents, the janitor, and most importantly Dr. Loomis. Dr. Loomis is the antithesis to Michael Myers, played brilliantly by Donald Pleasance (Escape From New York) in the first movie and very mediocre in the second one played by Malcolm McDowell (Stark Trek: Generations.) Killing Dr. Loomis does not make any since and achieves no ends to a means. Zombie just wanted a body count and that is what he got.

Now, the reason why the movie is demented is because of the beautiful actress Danielle Harris. When she was 11 years old she had her first starring role in Halloween 4 as Jamie Lloyd, the niece of Michael Myers. She also was in Halloween 5. She also was the cute little girl in The Last Boy Scout with Bruce Willis. Anyway, if you are a fan of the Halloween series then you know who she is and are kind of fond of her. So here she is now, a lovely 30-year-old woman in this remake and she is in a sex scene when Michael kills her boyfriend Danielle starts to run around the house, topless. That is not so bad until she is lying on the floor and she gives the camera the same terrified look that she did when she was 11 and all of a sudden the brain channels the sweet little girl from 19 years ago and you are seeing her topless. Now that is demented. Anyway, I will probably be owning this movie for the beautiful topless 30-year-old Danielle Harris and closing my eyes when she is rolling on the floor.

Anyway I could go on but I wont. This is a bad movie and should be skipped. There is no reason to see this movie just like there was no reason to remake this movie. Stay Away.

Brian - the Naked Gun