Dir. Martin Weisz
Writ. Jonathon Cravem, Wes Craven
Act. Michael McMillian, Jessica Stroup, Daniella Alonso

You ever have that feeling when you go into a hole in the wall restaurant and you look around and you realize that the health department has probably never set foot in the place. Yet you sit down at the table and look at the menu and see $1.25 per scoop Chinese food or $2.00 burritos and you tell yourself to go ahead and take a chance. Two hours later you end up in the bathroom with a really bad burning sensation coming out you're a$$. That best describes going to see the 2006 movie The Hills Have Eyes. What makes it worse is that you didn't learn your lesson the first time and go back to that restaurant and end up on the toilet again, except it has gotten worse and you think you might die, that is what it is like going to see The Hills Have Eyes 2.

So this time around, a few scientists are running around the area where the family disappeared in the first movie putting up motion trackers and shockingly disappear. Unaware of what is going on, a squad of incredibly pathetic US National Guardsmen is sent to the area to bring supplies to said scientists and discover they are all gone. These geniuses run around the canyon's and cave's being chased by the sub-humans that are still trolling the area and try to survive before they are either eaten, beaten, or raped.

Briefly, there is nothing good about this movie. As a matter of fact, it would appear that writers Jonathon Craven (yes that is the son of…) and Wes Craven purposely took everything that was bad about the 2006 movie and magnified it 10 fold. Horror movies are bad when there is nothing scary about the movie. Horror movies are down right horrible when the writers and director try to make up for it by adding a bunch of mindless gore. I would expect this kind of writing from the son of a horror master, but to have the writing credit attached to Wes Craven's name either shows poor judgment on his part or a definite loss of ability. Wes, you have fallen down a few rungs in my opinion.

I will not comment on the acting because there was none. I would like to say that I thought both actresses were hot in the movie, but PFC Johnson, played by Amber Benson (Broken) was covered in sh*t or blood or a combination there of for almost the entire movie and PFC Martinez, played by Daniella Alonso (TV's (and Benn's) One Tree Hill,) was the recipient of the obligatory "Wes Craven rape scene in a movie" actress. Scene's like that piss me off so the "hotness radar" was turned off at that point.

For me to tell you not to watch this movie is like telling Britney Spears to wear some underwear and stay away from the Meth. Unfortunately, neither one of these things will happen and we will be forced to see The Hills Have Eyes 3 coming soon to destroy the brain cells of a movie watcher. Now if you will excuse me, I have to go kick my own a$$ for paying to see this movie. In fact I feel that burning sensation coming right now.

Brian - the Naked Gun