Dir. Michael Katleman
Writ. John Brancato, Micahel Farris
Act. Dominic Purcell, Orlando Jones, Brooke Langton, Jurgen Prochnow

F*cking Hollywood. I hate it for making crap like this. The worst part of all is that I have seen this movie before, it was called Anaconda. Yes, I have problems with CGI creatures that move faster than they should if you are meant to believe the animal is real. This is why Snakes on A Plane is fun and this sucks a**.

Three f*cking idiots and one hot idiot are sent to Africa to hunt down and capture an Alligator that has killed so many humans that the Nazi's of World War II were jealous. So while wondering the Serengeti looking for the abominable Alligator, one of the idiots witness's a shooting of some peasants by a government official and now the three f*cking idiots and one hot idiot must not only fight Godzilla but also must avoid gunfire as well. Shocking that Spielberg turned this down.

My biggest problem with this movie is that the Alligator can leap tall buildings in a single bound, kill things with it laser beams from its eyes, gallop across the Serengeti faster than lions, cheetah's, Porsches, withstand the impact of a range rover going 30 miles an hour. All this and yet the Alligator does not have a cape with a big red S on the back of it. Ok, I am done being sarcastic but I just don't see an Alligator doing all the things that this one is capable of doing. Much like an Anaconda moving at 40 miles an hour up a tree, it just isn't believable. So the rest of the story isn't and it is painful to watch.

The actors, well lets see, when the only truly 'name' actors are Orlando Jones and Jurgen Prochnow, you have some AFI all timers here. I mean come on, Prochnow peaked in Beverly Hills Cop 2, way back in the 80's. I didn't even know this guy was still alive. Orland Jones was funny but I mean Chris Tucker would have been better. Even Chris Rock would have been better. The hottie, Brooke Langton, has not got her career off to a great start. Her resume includes this treasure plus other wonders such as The Benchwarmers, The Replacements, and Terminal Velocity. She better get a shelf cleared off for all of her Academy Awards in the future.

I don't care if the movie is based on a true story. Don't live where Alligators feed and this may not be a problem anymore. If we all stopped going to these movies, maybe Hollywood would stop making them, f*ck!

Brian - the Naked Gun