Someone please write into our website's guest book and explain to me how "Shark Tale" was the number one movie in America for three weeks. This picture was so boring and predictable, it makes "The Notebook" look like a roller coaster action film. Maybe that's a little harsh, but still its pretty bad.

"Shark Tale" follows the plight of Oscar, a fish who dreams of being rich and living where other condescending assholes live. What a goal for our main character, right?

Anyways, he gains fame by taking credit for the death of a shark that was attacking him and struck in the head by an anchor. The shark's brother, definitely not in the business of being a carnivore, decides to help Oscar out.

Now labeled a shark slayer, meager and somewhat mentally undeveloped shark Lenny stages his death with Oscar dealing out the punishment in front of his entire community. Conflict comes when Lenny's father, the big Mafia kingpin of the reef, looks to get revenge on the fish that killed his son.

The message says something hollow about being someone special, even thought you don't live with people who have money. Does that somehow say we're suppose to except rich people are special simply because we're rich? That's one message I get from "Shark Tale" writers Rob Letterman and Damian Shannon, a screenwriter going by the name Damian. How wannabe trendy can we possibly be?

Will Smith (I, Robot) voices Oscar, while Jack Black (School of Rock) voices Lenny. Robert DeNiro (Casino) voices the mob boss, and Renee Zellweger (Cold Mountain) voices Oscar's eventual love interest. They are a couple other big names adding their vocal talents, but who cares, the movie sucks.

The only thing I like about it was the crazy hermit crab and moments with Luca, the mob boss' assistant. There and only there did I find myself chuckling.

What I didn't like about the movie is simple. It has no sense of humor i.e. sight gags were predictable and done before many, many times.

It has no solid plot points. The title of the picture is "Shark Tale,* but its actually about Oscar. Oscar is the only protagonist who has room for inner growth. Not even Lenny changes, but the mob boss father does? Sure, but again, who cares. I didn't even care about Lenny or his dad. The story was about Oscar. Doesn't matter, I hated Oscar too.

The worst part of the writing is at some point in the production development, the filmmakers thought it'd be funny to tried and use as many notable lines from other Hollywood movies, even though they had nothing to do with the story at hand. Its not like "Shark Tale " was a spoof, so why use this intertextual dialogue to get a laugh?

For example: Oscar pops out of Lenny's mouth during the big staged fight and yells "Are you not entertained?" This of course was supposed to remind us of the picture "Gladiator," except one problem. In THAT scene, the spectators, the community of fish, WERE entertained, cheering him and celebrating. In "Gladiator," the crowd wasn't. The reference didn't work.

THEN Oscar follows up yelling to the crowd, "You can't handle the truth!" ala "A Few Good Men," and ends with "You had me at hello," homage to *Jerry Maguire." Why would the character yell these things? Just for a laugh? Its not funny.

The worst reference came on the "You had me at hello" delivery as directors Bibo Bergerson and Vicki Jenson decided to cut to a response from Renee Zellweger's character, the actress who received the line in "Maguire." The moment was purely embarrassing.

Even more embarrassing, after Oscar defeats Lenny, the citizens of the reef chant Sim-bayea Oscar, in a manner identical to the chants of Sim-bayea Ali in Michael Mann's film "Ali," also starring Will Smith. Ugly, purely ugly filmmaking.

The best way I can tell you how the movie came across is…I saw it with my roommate and his three year old daughter, who usually loves going to the cinema. However, this time SHE was bored out of her mind. The picture couldn't even sell a three year old girl. How pathetic is that?

I cannot suggest seeing "Shark Tale." It may be the worst movie I've ever seen with Dreamworks' name on it. I cannot believe it marketed itself as "From The Markers of 'Shrek.'" "Shrek" and its sequel remain in a far better league. This was crap.

The only people who should enjoy this movie is if they never EVER saw another movie in the lives. I can't believe I used all this text to talk about this picture. Its beneath my efforts. I'm gonna go flog myself for even writing this review.

Benn - Where's the Humanity?