I have not seen TV's "Saturday Night Live" for some time. However, I get the feeling Jimmy Fallon thinks he's the king of it. After watching the almost entirely painful American remake of the French film "Taxi," I get the feeling Fallon thinks he's God's gift to improvisational comedy.

This horrible remake of "Taxi" stars Fallon as Washburn, a seriously inept New York City cop, who needs cab driver Belle, played by Queen Latifah (Chicago), to help him solve a series of bank robberies. Belle's taxi is this super juiced Queen Victoria, which she's been working on for five years. Washburn, on the other hand, has a serious driving handicap, being he always causes accidents and puts lives in danger when he's behind the wheel. There's also a subplot with… You know what? The movie is so dumb, I'm not wasting my time describing the rest of it.

Basically, director Tom Story (Barbershop, The Firing Squad) made a disastrous decision in allowing Fallon to throw whatever improvisation he could into every scene to make it funny. Fallon is NOT talented enough or experienced enough to handle that in a leading role. To me, he completely came off as giving his best hybrid impression of Chris Kattan and Mike Myers.

Watching "Taxi" gave me the same feeling I had when I once ate a plate of sour enchiladas; grasping my abdomen, doubled over, screaming, "Why, Why, WHY?! Why did I do this to myself?!"

There are only TWO reasons why this picture was even a little bearable.

One, the bank robbers were four hot Brazilian vixens, lead by Vanessa, played by supermodel Gisele Bundchen. These four beauties were well worth enduring the painful minutes where they were not on screen. This was a good call by the filmmakers.

Two, Queen Latifah had me laughing out loud most of the time she had something to say. Her part was perfectly tailored to her brand of comedic timing. I really enjoyed watching her character continue to verbally bash this inept piece of crap, wannabe comedic actor Fallon.

If it weren't for Latifah, this picture would be absolutely dangerous to one's health. This DVD should come with an 800 number hotline with people standing by to take your call to keep you from killing yourself.

My biggest problem with the character of Fallon--the only one with room for growth in the movie, is his inability to drive. I have two friends who went through police academy for certification as a law enforcement officer. Both of them were required to test their driving skills, having to maneuver their vehicle at 60-plus miles per hour backwards, to receive their certification. If Fallon's character is unable to drive a car, especially cause he's too scared to, HE WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN CERTIFIED AS A FREAKIN' COP!!!!!!

I hate it when Hollywood does this with their characters. I hate it when Hollywood filmmakers think just because they're making a high concept comedy, all reason and possibility can and SHOULD be thrown out the window.

This picture was based on a 1998 movie, same title, written by Luc Besson, who also directed "Leon: The Professional" and "Joan of Arc." The character of Belle is actually a male character in the French made original. Besson has also produced two sequels to his production of this story. I pray Hollywood gets some sense and lays off making sequels to this total substitute for a tampon.

Please, avoid this picture at all cost. You're a smart person. There's plenty other movies on the shelves to feed your intellect. Don't let Hollywood think they can get away from this crap!!!! SKIP THIS MOVIE! I BEG OF YOU!!

Benn - Where's the Humanity?