Being released in 1997, the Academy Award winner that year for Best Picture, "Titanic" is maybe the most self-loving, contrived and overdone piece of garbage of that decade.

The end result of this picture shows exactly what happens when an established action director, with high knoweldge in visual effects, attempts to create a true-story, period piece with LOVE NEVER DIES as its theme. The only other theme I can think it carries is…."A solid ship's design can never compensate for an idiot seamaster."

"Titanic" is the story of Rose, a young woman of upper class, who meets and falls for Jack Dawson, a roughian who keeps her from killing herself. I say the movie would've been better if she jumped and got right to the Titanic's historical tragedy.

So, yes, Jack and Rose meet on the Titanic. She's trvaleing with her family, and Jack and his friend win their C-deck tickets from a couple of Sweeds in a poker game.

So Rose's family and intended husband doesn't like Jack cause he's poor, and has holes in his clothes, and hangs out with Irishmen below deck, and an artist not an industrialist, and not born into wealth, and…shall I keep going or have I touched on every cliché this film includes as reasons why Jack isn't worthy of Rose? Let's assume I have.

So anyways, after some Irish dancing and Jack painting Rose naked, they decide to do it. And just after they do it, the boat's watchman is distracted watching them run around naked and doesn't warn the ship's navigation that an iceberg is straight ahead. This is the director's take on why the Titanic didn't run full to port and simply hit the floating rock of ice…the watchman saw Jack and Rose naked. Wow. So now you know, next time you're steering a boat, don't look at naked people, otherwise you'll hit an iceberg and sink the ship.

As you can probably already tell from my cynicism, I DID NOT enjoy this picture, with the exception of the last hour. One of three I may add. The last hour was mostly devoted to the gruesome sinking of the Titanic-well, gruesome for PG-13-and we get to see that one dude's head "ping" off the propellar of the ship as its bobing almost vertically in the North atlantic. That part was worth the entire contrived and unfounded two-hour Jack and Rose romance…almost. At least I got a laugh out of it. Hate me, I don't care.

So, the Titanic is sinking and kills a bunch of poverty level people, and some seamen, but most of the super rich people got on lifeboats. Good for them. Then the boat sinks and Rose is left afloat on a floating shard of a door, with Jack in the water cause he can't hop on without tipping her over. So he freezes to death and everyone cries, boo-fuckin-hoo.

Then we have to sit through this ridiculous post script of how Rose was saved and managed to hold onto the Heart of The Ocean jewel, just so she can cast it into the ocean as an elderly lady telling the story to a bunch of salvage explorers. Then, she dies. As if she was waiting to throw the jewels out all her life. So once she did, she dies. Again, WOW.

This picture would have been SO much better if it were simply a story about the maiden voyage of the unsinkable ship, using some of its true-life characters' personal stories to carry two hours of screen time. Instead, we get this story about some jerk-off and some rich bitch who fuck and drown. I know Rose survived it, but in my fantasy they both die horribly.

So who's the man to blame for this momumental pile of dog shit? None other than James Cameron, director of "Terminator," "Terminator 2" and "True Lies, " among many other ACTION movies. This film was completely above his mode of thinking. He wrote the screenplay, and as a director/producer, he should have looked at the script and said, "Holy crap, this is really fucking cheesy. What was I thinking?"

Telling a fictional story using a real life tragedy is far worse an idea than Coppola deciding to film Conrad's "Hearts of Darkness" as a Vietnam movie is. Like Coppola, who returned to the states claiming he made a "Vietnam" picture, Cameron emerges saying he's made a film paying homage to those who perished on the sinking of the Titanic. He didn't. He shot a melodramatic love story holding no believability with true-life characters dancing in and out of frame i.e. Cpt. Smith, Ismay and Molly Brown.

I'm not even going to mention whom all appears in the picture, cause they don't deserve to have their names in my review for this project.

So with this as his presentation, are we supposed to feel sorry for those who perished on the Titanic. Fuck no. Cameron needs to stay where he's best experienced, high budget action pictures, not high budget love stories.

I could say that Russell Carpenter's cinematography was amazing, and I could say the visual effects were very well done, especially the precise model work. However, this picture's story, message and concept was so horrible and insulting to not only the viewer, but the families of those who lost their lives in the Titanic tragedy, I must advise you to steer clear of this picture. In case you decide otherwise, enjoy your bile.

Benn - Where's the Humanity?