This is not the first time I've said this, and unfortunately I feel it's not the last. Video game storylines do NOT make good motion picture storylines, so why bother.

"Van Helsing" is the latest example of this fact. I'm not going into what the picture is about because I want to hang myself just thinking I broke down and went and saw it in the first place.

So, the title character is assigned by this secret church to kill evil creatures, and eventually he is pit up against Dracula.

I'll just list the reasons why this picture is such a piece of shit. Richard Roxburgh throws away all screen time he has by half yelling every stupid fucking line director Stephen Sommers wrote for him in obviously an alcoholic stupor. Roxburgh plays one of the most thoughtless Dracula roles I've ever been subjected to.

Points in the plotline also give no aide to my blood pressure. Why does Dracula need Dr. Viktor Frankenstein's machine to give life to his offspring life? One, if that's the way vampires mate, why are their no mating parts? Two, how did all those vampires BEFORE Dracula get to mate without THEM having Frankenstein's machine? Three, as Dracula's mistresses are flying around killing folks, they have these boobs without nipples, which yes adds some unusual aesthetic feel for the film, but realistically, if a female creature is created without nipple, why would it have boobs? Does this mean vampire women are mammals? And I thought vampires had no gender and did not see sex between them?

However, I will say the action sequences are a lot of fun to watch, and Kate Beckinsale is one of the hottest bad ass chicks who somehow is still able to get her stupid ass abducted towards the end.

Despite the hot girl and some on screen fun, this picture is a complete waist of its budget. Movies like this should be trashed and the money used to make a bunch more movies like Miracle, Passion of the Christ and American History X, or Saving Private Ryan, or Amistad or Schindler's List, or….. in fact, just give the money to Spielberg, he'll know what to do with it.

Benn - Where's the Humanity?